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[23 Feb 2009|03:04pm]
im ok :) school is almost over.. one more year and i might just never come back.

[15 Nov 2007|06:08pm]
taking mad dope photo class's next semester

Photo soph seminar: PROJECTS
Photo soph seminar: CONCEPTS
Large Format
Contemporary Trends
English Lit

did i mention that i love my school? well i fucking love it and i love living in Cambridge. I seriously love everything about photography and oh yea i love my damn roommates. LAWRENCEHALLROOM2FORLYFE!! cant wait for finals :)

so i think this boy is cute and i dont know. i cant! i wont! i like being single too much.
2 lies| lie

[17 Sep 2007|02:07pm]
i fucking love boston and cambridge. My roommate from Cali is coming home with me for thanksgiving so were going to have lots of fun. I love both of my roommates. I love all my classes and teachers. Christopher James is AMAZING. Mike and woody are coming up to celebrate mikes 23rd and its going to be so much fun. I have so many ideas and projects going on in my head that i cant even sleep. Animation class is so much fun too. I start working at urban next week which is really good. I met some people, they seem really nice at work. Im so fucking tired but i have to have four rolls done by tonight! ahhhhhhhhh

[02 Sep 2007|04:39pm]
so today is my frist day at school...i got the single! (YAY!) iv only been here for a couple hours..went to urban got a rug, MIA cd, and a book to keep me going. My dorm is actually owned by another school "EDS" some church school but its beautiful. it looks like the typical boston harvard brick building..but the thing i hate is i have to hear church music from 7-4 AHHHHH! but yea im content with things right now.. no panic attacks yet..
3 lies| lie

[15 Jul 2007|03:40am]
does anyone even use this anymore? no one ever updates..anyways

ONE MONTH AND TWO WEEKS TILL I MOVE TO BOSTON...im sad because ill be leaving my remaining friends, boyfriend, nippy, and of course my family. but ill be back! haha

iv been doing nothing but working full time so i usually get saturdays off so..i need to see people. i need a drinking friend whos 21 and stuff...

iv been really bad this past week but its all due to stress..work, family shit, and just my brother, annie, and just everything is too much sometimes and as much as i cry it out..nothing really seems to settle inside. yea im going to start eating meat again...im going to eat chicken tomorrow first time in like 8 years...i need my friends to seriously call me and MAKE ME LEAVE MY HOUSE AND HANGOUT its not good to be like this.
5 lies| lie

movin out [29 May 2007|05:57pm]
my feet smell bad...and ae sucks with online shipping. i love work and my life...the end. i gotta CLEAN THIS ROOM! i have so much shit..i mean clothes.

bright eyes was ammmmmazing!
i fucking hate parking tickets i got mutha fuckin 3
4 lies| lie

[18 Apr 2007|11:49pm]
tomorrows the day i never thought i would happen...im putting one of the best friends iv ever had in the ground. Im so sorry i couldnt help you..im so sorry ill love you forever. im so fucking tired of loosing everyone i love to drugs. FUCK


"i had the weirdest dream last night me and you were in a elevator and you looked down at my feet and then said to me nice socks." im going to fucking miss you...punkett
1 lies| lie

[16 Apr 2007|07:42am]
i feel like i only use this to update about people dying.

In the past two years i haven lost contact with just about everyone i know from mercy. Beeky still calls me every 3 months to tell me she misses me and wants to hangout. Well i got two calls from her in the last two days. One a voicemail telling me she misses me and two that one of our best friends from high school died from a drug overdose. Oh Annie

Annie had been my friend since freshman orientation. I had entered Mercy high knowing no one and left my frist day with one friend, annie.
She was so different from anyone i had ever met. She was always so eager to learn more and more about music, trends, and other things from being enclosed in a strict proper household. I was there for her from freshman year to our senior graduation. I can still remember the last time i had seen her..I went with beeky to pick her up from her school LIU in NY. She was still the same Annie, talking to me about bands i had never heard of and telling me how awesome they were. We went to taco bell in west haven and watched her take 20 min. to order something because she was the pickiest eater on the planet. I still remember those fucking blue eyes and big smile. The first thing i ever said to you at lunch freshman year was you look like fairuza bulk. we sat at the same lunch table for three years. I went to all your birthday parties, introduced me to all your friends, listened to me, and was one of my few best friends at mercy. I slept over so many times...i remember the chucky dolls, the ghost red balloon that kept floating to our faces..scary movie, 200 cigarettes, trumbull mall haha you bought me that peach candle..me and my stuffed cow, you and fucking courtney love, sleeping over in stephs basement you guys are freakin crazy, lying for you and telling your ma that you were going to the movies, going out to eat at its only natural, senior prom, junior prom, and ring dance i spent all with you. junior prom sleep over! a million tacos that night haha! I can still hear you saying " I LOVE YOU TIFF" in my head with that face and then a hug. I remember when she told me she was only friends with beautiful people to make me feel better and i told her that she were a liar because she had so many friends. I remember when she made me hide in her closet hahahahahaaaa mike sullivan hahaha awww biss when she was younger. Kicking sally out of your room. making fun of your grade school pictures. you were Mercy for me and i always loved you for who you were and I'll always remember my crazy annie..my beautiful crazy annie. Im sorry we never got together like we said we would a few months ago..im so sorry RIP

[23 Mar 2007|03:00am]
i finally got my brothers stuff back from evidence..i opened his wallet to find two pictures of me and two of tina. im falling apart. I just cant stop crying about the fact that all of this really happened. I saw a picture of him on the girls phone and i wanted to die. i saw my number on the recent calls and i still remember the phone call before he passed away. He told me he was coming home soon and that he missed and loved me. He never came home and i just cant keep it together.
2 lies| lie

Christopher Michael Tokarski [12 Mar 2007|08:58pm]
tomorrow will be two years.
1 lies| lie

crazzzzzy [28 Feb 2007|09:27am]
i went snowboarding at ski sundown with mike..haha i hurt myself. Didnt get to see derek until we were leaving but i had fun eating sour straws. i love my friends



sucks (megan looks like shes fucking pooping in these pictures GOD)

really bad

tiffs niptuck ahhhh

he must spend half his day playing with that fucking thing
4 lies| lie

i miss you every single day [22 Feb 2007|11:14am]
i started reading my old deadjournal and im really happy that i never deleted it. Its therapeutic looking back. I read entrees that i wrote about my brother and i wanna cry and things that were so trivial but huge back then. to think 2002 was 5 years ago..my life consisted of hanging out with my friends and staying out late. Its so hard staying in touch with you guys and school and work and boyfriends. I wish i could just go back to not caring about my future. I dont really think i would change much of the past few years. Im happy with the way everything worked out, but i wish i could of kept a few great people in my life. I cant believe its almost been two years since his death. I dont think ill ever be ok with it. Its like going threw your day knowing you forgot something but cant figure it out...just somethings missing. Its actually a piece of you. Death is kinda good in way because it really teaches you and pushes you to become a better person. All the things my brothers said and taught me about growing up i cherish so much more and think about what he would tell me to do in situations. I spent 20 years with you and now your just gone. I can feel the difference in my house too...no brother lurking and eating. no brother to work on my car with, or bring rocco for a walk, or walk to grillos, or talk all night, or his distinctive smell, or brother sister movie night ultimate sleepovers in air conditioning. Everytime i said i hated you..i hated you because you were right...everything you always did was right. Im sorry that i colored in your notebooks and always drank from your cups because you hated it. But im not sorry for always staying up late waiting for you to come home, going threw your room, and fighting with you because it always brought us closer. anyways..i sent myself another email that i will receive 2014. I think everyone should do it..its nice to get one from your past, and asking questions about what has happened and where you ended up. Im pretty sure its wayyyyy past my bedtime..work tomorrow..cant wait!!! i miss my shipment team!
1 lies| lie

[17 Feb 2007|05:36pm]
i went to AIBs open house and i really like it there. I love the fact that its all about photo and there WHOLE basement is photo labs...lots of color rooms/2 black and white labs. Im really excited and scared. I really like boston so hopefully everything will be ok.

[22 Jan 2007|10:26pm]
haha its my first day of school im very nervous and i dont know why. Mike sent me an email with this photo...i have the bestest most coooooolest boyfriend in the world!! andddddddd i have hardly any work this week so my people better call me! but i do have school tues and thur from 8:10am-7:30pm

i heartCollapse )
1 lies| lie

[15 Jan 2007|11:06am]
where did this all go?

[25 Dec 2006|05:45pm]
merry christmas to all my loves and friends. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your gifts haha i already showed my whole family the pin megan gave me and iv already moved on to my new harajuku bag...i love it all!!!!! and i LOVE you guys!!
2 lies| lie

life WITHout nippy [30 Nov 2006|02:20pm]
loosing nippy for two days..the scare of my life. My ma freaked the fuck out and went crazy looking for him and i cried my eyes out and lost sleep. He got locked in bobbys for two days with no one there.. :( im home today!! i joined planet fitness..i really like it there but i still gotta go with jake sometime. Work is stressfull if anyones looking for a job they should apply its good pay with at least 25 hours a week. do LOGISTICS! iv been so tired and working like crazy, i dont know how much more i can take. Schools almost over !!! :) im happy. if anyone wants to do anything anytime! im down seriously..just call me and ill be there. i love nippy and i cant wait to go home to see him and kiss him and pet him..i dont ever wanna lose him ever. I cant handle loosing the other most important person in my life anytime soon.

[02 Nov 2006|12:07am]
i saw matt pond pa..i love them..:) they signed my cd. straylight run sucked dick. FRIDAY DEATH CAB and SAGE sat!!! SUNDAY BOSTON with mike and his family

[30 Oct 2006|07:25pm]
Soundtrack To Your Life
Opening Credits:the strokes- you only live once
Wake Up:belle and sebastian- if she wants me
Average Day:bright eyes- we are nowhere but now
First Date:badly drawn boy- Once around the block
Fall In Love:keane- hamburg song
Love Scene:air- playground love
Fight Scene:metric- hardwire
Breaking Up:bright eyes- haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh
Getting Back Together:cribs- you were always the one
Secret Love:badly drawn boy- Epipth
Life Is Good:the shins- past and pending
Mental Breakdown:cursive- driftwood
Driving:plain white ts- hey there delilah
Learning A Lesson:badly drawn boy- Magic in the air
Deep Thought:coldplay- fix you
Helping A Friend:the white stripes- we're going to be friends
Partying:cursive- some red handed sleight of hand
Happy Dance:gorillaz- feel good inc.
Regretting:bright eyes- easy/lucky/free
Laughing:beastie boys- paul revere
Leaving:badly drawn boy- something to talk about
Missing:bright eyes- poison oak
Long Night Alone:bright eyes- motion sickness
Falling Asleep:metric- calculation theme
Closing Credits:bright eyes- gold mine gutted
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i love life [30 Oct 2006|03:33pm]
my body is slowly closing down and sickness has taken over. On a good note..mike is amazing and here are pictures of chay chay kinda like chi chi my chinchilla and his new room that was the cats room. im excited to finally get some rest and have no money...yeaaaaaaa i miss my friends please call me..im dying without you guys

1 lies| lie

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